Q:  I sent an email to the head of global technology to schedule a follow up meeting.  I wrote:  “OK for us to meet up.” The global head’s response: “What is the purpose of this meeting?” and copied my boss.  I am surprised by the response, we both knew the subject for follow up.  What went wrong?

A. The Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, belted out “R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. take care T.C.B.”  and this advice lyrics is especially applicable if you want to take care of business (TCB).  “Meet up” is a term that is way too informal for professional correspondence, especially when you communicate with a person a level or two above you.  (And common sense will tell you not to “hook up” for drinks after work even with your close colleagues.)

Before you press “send,” consider the following:

• To whom is the email addressed?
• Will the individual know who you are or do you need to establish or re-establish the relationship? If yes, what is the most salient memory jogger?
• Why are you sending this email:  To say thank you? Inform? Keep the relationship current or schedule a meeting? If scheduling, avoid this response that I recently received:  “I’m open at 2pm. Let’s do it.”
• Is the content of the email clear?  Succinct?
• Action required?  If yes, include what needs to be done. By whom? By when?  Eschew “C.O.B.,” “ASAP” or other business-speak.
• Will this correspondence—note that I didn’t say email–enhance or tarnish your brand?

Find out what respect means in your organizational culture and you will likely discover a precious and untapped resource.   Take the advice of Aretha and always bring a little respect to everything you do.

Need inspiration?   Watch Dr. Aretha Franklin singing our National Athem at my alma mater.

Q.  My life just got turned upside down, I have breast cancer!  I am OK telling my boss, but do I have to tell my team?

A.  Don’t close down the possibility of being supported by colleagues and loved by your friends and family.  Now is not the time to be solitary or secretive and given the incidence of breast cancer   — one in eight women.

Here are a few questions to consider:

• Have you researched your condition and do you understand it?
• When diagnosed you are likely to go through the following stages: fear, anger, denial/isolation and acceptance. Where are you in the process?  Note: It is OK to have a bad day.
• Are you accepting help and support?  What specifically? From whom?  [Note:  you will be reluctant to lean heavily on one person—allow others to provide support.]

Let me share my own story. Its positive outcome may inspire you to deal openly in your work situation. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I held a very public position and I, too, was reluctant to tell my boss and colleagues. A key role in Governor William Weld’s Cabinet became available right after my diagnosis and I wanted the opportunity.  I threw my hat in the ring and disclosed —I have breast cancer. To my surprise and relief, Governor Weld did not “blink.”  I became Secretary of Consumer Affairs for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and I never missed one day of work.

There may be days you do not feel like working. I was blessed not to have severe side effects.  However, I have discovered that many men and women faced with major illness prefer to work.  Work can be your lodestar, vs. succumbing to doctors’ visits as the central part of your day/week.

Now to your work:

• When are you most energetic?  Match the task to your energy level.
• Are you delegating?  What “stretch assignments” opportunities are you creating?
• What are you doing to stay visible and to keep your career on track?

I hope that the response from your boss and colleagues is as welcoming and surprising as what I experienced.  Please know that I am sending positive energy your way and wish you a full and speedy recovery.

Q:  We are all shocked, our boss was let go.  Am I next?

A:  An array of questions come to mind when I read your question:

• Is your boss still on the job and in the process of transitioning out?  If yes, you have an opportunity to have a lot of your questions answered, especially if you organize a “going away” lunch.
• What is the organizational climate of your firm?  Downsizing? Right-sizing? Consolidating functions? Trimming the “fat?”  Reducing cost?
• What are the competitive forces impacting your industry?  Is your business competitive?
• Is your boss viewed as a leader of change or “old guard?”

Regarding your future:

•  Are you meeting (and/or) exceeding expectations?
• Is your business unit meeting (and/or) exceeding metrics?
• Is the work that you do relevant to the current conditions and to the future direction?
• What’s likely to happen next?
• What steps have you taken to prepare?
• Do you agree with where your firm is going and do you know how you can contribute?

Note:  When managers leave abruptly it often sends shock waves through the firm and leaves questions unanswered.  In situations like this you may never know the whole story.  Don’t waste time digging for the “truth;” focus on the contribution your manager made to you, your team and the firm.  If, on the other hand, your manager is transitioning and on site, view it as a gift:  you have a unique line of sight into the courageous or timely decision your manager has made to move on and possibly begin a new chapter.

Q:  I am somewhat embarrassed to ask this question, but is it OK to ask for time off to care for my dog—a car hit her and she cries when I leave.  I absolutely love my dog.

A.   No need to be embarrassed. Friday June 20 marked the 16^th anniversary of Bring Your Pet our Pet to Work Day. In the United States, 83 millions dogs have owners and, employers recognize that their 18-34 year old employees are especially attached to their woofers.  Consider the dog-friendly companies where Fido shares your workspace.  Alas, from your question, you are not so employed.

However, now is the time to create flexibility in how and where you work. Flexible work schedules, working remotely (from home) or using vacation days to cover a myriad of special and (often) short-term crises can help you meet your needs at home and get your work done.  Talk to your manager or HR professional for guidance. Your first priority:

• Am I able to work remotely for the next 7-10 days?

Longer term:

• What is the work-life balance that you would like to have with your pooch?
• Do you currently leave work at the same time each day to ensure that you arrive in time to walk your dog?  Does this cause any comments? Negative feedback? Impact on your ability to complete your work?  If the answer is no—no problem.
• What is your Plan B for work-related travel? Given your workload right now, is it best to employ the dog sitter or ask to work remotely?  Remember—you get more credit working with your boss and colleagues through a “pinch” time.

Note:  If you travel to Paris you have probably noticed that dogs have their own social standing.  It’s likely that Parisian dogs would look down their snouts at our precious best friends.  Not traveling to Paris soon? Well read this “hip Paris blog” about dogs in Paris and enjoy a laugh. 

Question:  The office outing is next week and families are invited:  How can I—we— get out of going?

Answer:  If your experience of outings is limited to family picnics you probably didn’t grow up in the country club social set.  As a result, you may be missing not only the etiquette of responding but also how to behave once you are there.

Turning down an office outing can be risky business, especially when it is a visible event: not only the senior leaders, but also your colleagues are “taking attendance.”

I wonder:

• What expectations did you accept with your manager—formally or informally—about social gatherings when you joined the firm?
• If LGBT, is your concern about the comfort level of your partner and children? If the answer is yes, what conversations do you need to have to align your personal and professional life?
• And, here is the “tough question”:  Why don’t you want to attend?  If the answer is “I don’t like those people,” start revising your resume.

Breaking from my Q&A format, here are a few ways to ensure that your behavior is appropriate:

• Eat before you attend the event—don’t arrived famished and make a rush for the food!
• Do your homework and have your “casual” elevator speech ready when you meet senior leaders.
• Ensure that your spouse/partner is prepared and knows the names of your manager and colleagues.
• If bringing children, make it a fun event for them.
• And, always remember that this is a “work” event.

Question:  I don’t have a question, I have a problem:  My social circle keeps shrinking because I work all of the time.  I guess it is what it is.

Answer:   I almost wish that “whatever” would make a comeback and replace “it is what it is” because the latter makes me shudder—the person is resigned, without hope, dead:  just throw dirt over them.  Yikes.  Even “whatever” has more life in it!

Here is a little tweak:  it is what you allow/accept.  When you have a problem start asking questions:

• When I am not working, how do I spend my time?
• When you are not with your friends in person, how often do you stay in touch?
• How do you keep your friends up to date? Are you up to date on what is happening in their lives?
• Who do you want to bring back into your social network?

Now, check your calendar

• Are your social occasions scheduled?
• Do you have your friends’ special occasions (birthdays, anniversary) listed in your calendar?

Finally,

• Prioritize:  if you have been invited to an event that appears to be a “once in a lifetime special occasion”  (e.g. graduation, retirement, soccer game, etc.), GO! Don’t miss it.  You strengthen friendships by celebrating and creating new memories.

Remember that as human beings we are social beings—the stronger our relationships, the healthier and happier we are.  And, loving and being loved is the ticket to a new domain.  Enjoy.

Question:   I will be 50 this month and it seems that everyone expects me to know exactly what the rest of my life will look like. Honestly, I have no clue.  Am I the only one?

Answer:  No, you are not alone and it’s time to tap into the dynamic conversation and community entitled “Life Reimagined “ by becoming a member of the AARP.  I know what you are thinking—I had to get over the same mental hurdle! Trust me on this one: CEO Barry Rand has rebranded the organization to attract people as young as 50 with conventions and online information that are simply outstanding. Where else can you see Whoopi Goldberg interview Jay Leno, or see Soledad O’Brien interview Laura Bush and her daughter Barbara, or meet Captain Phillips?  The conference fee is only $25.00.  THAT’S REAL VALUE!

Celebrate being 50 by knowing that you are on the path to a fulfilling life.   Begin with a solid foundation of good health and financial security, then consider:

• What have you dreamt of achieving/doing and put on the back burner?
• Who do you need to add to your network (or prune from it) so that you are inspired?
• What do you want to accomplish at work?
• What aspect of your work feels like ”work” and what aspect “flows”? Note:  Redesign your work to flow.
• Are you known in your community (note—you define community) or do you feel isolated, lost and alone?
•  Are you contributing to the social well-being of your community?
• What did you learn today?
• What are you curious about?

Now join me and go to the “Life Reimagined” website and start your journey.

Question:  Each day is rolling into the next. If I have to go to one more non-productive meeting, I think I’ll scream. What can I do?

Answer:   Are you curious? If the answer is yes, ask, “What can I do to make this meeting interesting and productive?” If you are bored, it’s the result of inaction, not action.  I view curiosity as a form of action or engagement.  Curiosity is defined as a strong desire to know more about something or someone.  Consider the following:

• Why are you attending the meeting?  What is the benefit to you? What are you contributing?
• What are the areas of curiosity that you have about your business and/or about your business colleagues and clients?
• How are you contributing value to the meeting?  To your organization?
• What can you do to make each day challenging? Fulfilling? Successful?  Note:  to answer this question you need to know what you contribute and value it.
• What are you doing to grow professionally?  To stay challenged?

Note:  If you are over the age of 12 there is no excuse for being bored.  The good news is that it is up to you to create the quality of life, engagement, challenge and variety that turns you on and lights you up.  Stop waiting and start living.

Question:  My coach said that it seems that I already have made up my mind, I just want to hear what she has to say. Isn’t it OK to look to her for advice?

Answer:  Coaching and advising are as different as apples and oranges. Consultants provide advice and a good coach guides your professional development by asking pointed questions.  Your coach has probably noticed that you are asking questions that come from a preconceived mindset or a fixed point of view—a fancy way of saying:  you seem to have decided your course of action.  Coaches are good at sniffing out closed options.  So, if you already have the answer and are shopping around for advice, doesn’t waste your time or your money.

However, if you want to open up to new possibilities here are a few questions to consider

• Are you merely thinking about doing something or are you “thinking” about it?
• Is it clear in your head and not on paper?
• Are you shopping for different advice because you don’t agree with or like the feedback and answers you are getting elsewhere?
• Are you open to new ideas and willing to change?
• Have you already decided—made up your mind—that “nothing you do will get you where you want to go”?
• Be brutally honest and write down all of the obstacles you have decided will keep you from your goal.
• Describe the exceptions—who has made it despite the “obstacles”?

I find that clients new to coaching may have the mindset of listening for tips or advice instead of doing the hard work of finding the answers inside. Remember that the coach is on the sidelines when you are in the game.  Coaching is a process of discovery.  Beware the coach that is an eternal font of advice, tips and answers.

Question: I would like to get promoted the end of this year—what advice do you have for me?

Answer: In terms of getting to that next level, asking questions is more important than seeking advice.  Getting promoted is not an event; it is a process. I hope that you have adeptly navigated the promotional process with the help of your manager and by demonstrating your readiness for the role. If you have, you are aware that the higher up the organizational pyramid you are, the longer the process can take.  And more people have a voice in the decision: Who will be in the room when your name is put forward? Will all the decision makers have had a 1:1 experience with you or will some of them ask “Who?”

Consider:

1. How does the process work from the perspective of someone who holds the position or title you aspire to?
2. What are the formal and informal criteria for promotion?
3. When was the last time you discussed your career aspirations with your manager?
4. What feedback did you receive from your manager, and your manager’s manager, about your performance? Did you implement or execute based on their feedback?
5. Are you exceeding expectations?
6. Have you scheduled a mid-year performance conversation?
7. As of right now, is your performance exceptional?
8. How much time have you put into the process? Have you checked all the boxes?

Finally, please don’t be a weenie and say, “The promotion process is secret in our company.”  Do your homework.