Q:  I just started looking outside for my next opportunity and now my organization has offered to sponsor me for a Leadership Program at Harvard.  If I accept, I will have to stay an additional year.  What a trade off! Fulfill my dream of attending Harvard or say no?

A. When faced with a choice like this, I hear my mother’s favorite adage: “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”  If you are not familiar with farm animals, specifically chickens, keep reading and all will become clear.  Consider:

• Do you have an actual job offer in hand? If no, you don’t have a new job.
• How long have you been in this organization?  Have you hit a ceiling – no upward opportunities– or a wall – your current skills or aspirations do not align with the organization’s needs?
• Does your manager know that you are looking?  Would she be surprised?
• Why is your organization offering you this opportunity?  Do they want to reward you? Retain you? Groom you as a future leader? Increase your value as a contributor?

A tangible opportunity is now in the palm of your hand. Remember they selected you for this opportunity and it appears that you now need to adjust your perspective. Postpone your job search and focus on contributing your new skills to your current organization.

Good luck.  Fulfill your dream!

Q:   With July 4th on a Saturday, half of my clients are taking this week off and the remainder next week.  Now, I am between a rock and hard place with no time off until August. Please don’t tell me to plan ahead–I own the business!  What else can I do?

A.   The advantage of owning your own businesses scheduling the flow of work so that you and your employees can deliver excellent product and services.  If this is your first year in business, you may let your clients dictate your schedule and you probably feel compelled to say, “yes” to build your business.   However, if you are between a rock and hard place it’s important to consider how you got there:

• Have you re-confirmed your client meeting?
• What is the likelihood that your clients will cancel this week or next?
•  Are your clients the “right” ones according to your business plan? Your value proposition?  If no, are you using your time and expertise wisely?
• When was the last time that you said “no” to a client?
• Are you keeping your employees’ vacations “up in the air”? If yes, the quality  of their work as well as their morale may begin to fray.

Note that sustainable client success evokes the ohhs and ahhs that we hear from the appreciative audience as the   Fourth of July fireworks light up the sky.  These incredible displays take months of planning and years of experience.  So start now by solidly committing to your August vacation and remember, July 4, 2016 will be on a Sunday.

Q:  I was aghast when a colleague delayed sending a critical client memo to correct four grammatical errors.   The content was accurate.  He highlighted the changes in RED.  What should I do?

A:  I can appreciate why the actions of your colleague have you seeing red because in business getting a document out the door is sometimes more important than being 100% grammatically correct.  That said, every organization has unwritten rules that define a professional, client-ready document.   Expectations vary widely—is the document casual or formal? For an internal or external audience? A presentation or a legal brief?

To appreciate your colleague’s actions, I recommend that you begin by asking:

• What is your relationship with this colleague?  Friendly or competitive?
• Is your colleague new to the team and lacking the experience to comment on the content of the document?  If yes, what conversation can you have so that you and your colleagues are on the same page?

Finally, was the overall, quality of the document improved by correcting the grammatical errors?  If yes, you may want to take advantage of your colleague’s editing skills.    Four eyes are almost always better than two.

Q:  I thought I had my boss’s support to temporarily coach my daughter’s soccer team. I was surprised when I got asked, “Do you want to get promoted this year?”  When do Dads get a break?

A:    It sounds as if you may have a snafu in your communications with your boss regarding how you were going to use your time.   You can create your own “break” by having the following conversation with your boss:

• How did you define “temporary”? One week, one month, one season? If the terms are not clear, define them.  Note:  Coaching for a season is not a “temporary” assignment.
• Are you following through on the steps your manager advised for you to be promoted this year?  What is missing?  What are you going to do to get back on track?

Now, here are a few tough questions:

• Have you changed your mind about being promoted this year?  Is the timing off?
•  Do you feel like you are in a forced choice: either family or work?
• Will being promoted this year have a negative impact on how you want to be a “dad”?

Take a close look and determine if you are in an either “I disappoint my daughter or disappoint my boss” situation. When you break the either/or pattern, I am certain that you will discover the appropriate next step.

Q: It seems that crude, rude and loud behavior is being rewarded.  Being nice is not paying off. Do I have be a jerk too?  Help!

A:  You have now joined a long list of clients who pose the same either /or conundrum:  Be a jerk and get attention or be nice and go unnoticed.   Being a jerk may catapult you into the center of attention; but beware–your light will flame out as quickly as lit.

Let me share with you the key points from an Atlantic Monthly article (June 2015) that I thoroughly enjoyed, with the provocative title: Why It Pays To Be A Jerk .  According to the article:

…a touch of jerkiness can be helpful. … if your job, or some element of it, involves a series of onetime encounters in which reputational blowback has minimal effect. The second is in that evanescent moment after a group has formed but its hierarchy has not. (Think the first day of summer camp.) The third…is when the group’s survival is in question, speed is essential, and a paralyzing existential doubt is in the air.

As a business professional, it’s highly unlikely that you will risk being a jerk based on the above criteria.  Few of your colleagues will cede leadership to you because their survival is at stake.  The article ends with the following caution:

 …being a jerk is likely to fail you, at least in the long run, if it brings no spillover benefits to the group; [and] if your professional transactions involve people you’ll have to deal with over and over again

My advice: Be yourself.

Q:  I think the handwriting is on the wall for our group because my boss–recruited from outside our firm to grow the business –quit today.  The business is failing, correct?

A:  No the handwriting isn’t on the wall. Turn your attention from the obvious conclusion to incorporate the realities of your corporate culture.  Consider the following:

• What is the tenure and/or success rate of senior leaders who come from the “outside”?
• What actions did you take to help your boss be successful in the new environment?
• On a scale of 1 to 5, how well did you know your boss?
• What are the metrics that indicate that your business is “failing”?
• How is your contribution being measured? Tracked?
• Who are your key stakeholders?  What input have they provided regarding your career?  The future of the business?

Remember that although a boss’s departure may seem abrupt, it rarely is a big surprise. I have noticed two distinct stages: thinking about quitting and deciding to move on. Thinking ranges from considering current options to doubling down and making the situation work.  However, once decided it seems that people literally and figuratively are no longer engaged—they go through the motions.

Now, looking back, what did you notice about your boss’s behavior that will make you more adept at reading the handwriting on the wall next time?

I watched the 26^th annual Memorial Day Concert and was pleased to learn that an important memorial opened on 10/5/2014.   Now the depth of the sacrifice by disabled veterans and the impact on their families becomes a part of our collective conscience and national dialogue.

Today, let us remember the words of President Obama as he dedicated the Veterans Disabled for Life Memorial:

“With this memorial we commemorate, for the first time, the two battles our disabled veterans have fought, the battle over there and the battle here at home,”

“This memorial tells us what we must do when our wounded veterans set out on that long road of recovery, we need to move heaven and earth to make sure they get every single benefit, every single bit of care that they have earned; they deserve.”

Question: After the meeting break I walked back into the room and my three colleagues immediately stopped talking. I know they were talking about me because I heard my name. I felt awful and I have been avoiding them. What else can I do?

Answer:  Yuck! I hate it when that happens. And I get thrown off when I hear my name followed by shushing. No one is perfect in this area and almost everyone has an emotional reaction that is grade-school  level.

Talking about someone vs. taking to them sucks the integrity and trust out of relationships. If ignored, will hamper future relationships. You have probably determined that ignoring your gossiping colleagues is not a successful long-term strategy.

Ask the following questions to get back on track:

• Do you have a solid relationship with one of the three involved in the gossip? If yes, causally or with humor ask, “I heard my name–what did I miss?”  [NOTE: Always assume positive intent and be willing to move your relationship forward.]
• What is the culture of your workgroup? Supportive? Back biting? Gossip about everyone?
• Do you gossip? Do colleagues come to you to gossip?

Remember that listening to gossip is as destructive as being the source of gossip.  Cultivate a reputation as a person who stays above the fray. Check yourself by asking: if Mark knew that I was gossiping about him, would it help or harm our relationship? Our friendship?  If the answer is yes, please keep your mouth shut.

Question:  With our slow elevators it takes 15 minutes for me to get from my desk to the nursing room.  I don’t want to draw attention to myself by complaining. What are my options?

Answer:  Congratulations, new mom, and continued success in your career.  I can appreciate your desire to not draw attention to your situation.  One of the new moms I counsel works in a company that’s pressed for space. After making the trek from her desk to the nursing room she discovered that it was being used routinely by guys as a workspace.  The most important perspective for you is to realize that you are not alone and that other nursing moms are being inconvenienced, too.

Let me take the liberty of quoting Margaret Mead:  “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful [inconvenienced new moms] can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

Here are some questions to ask in advance of Mother’s Day:

• Do you know the new moms or moms with young children in your department?  If yes, what is their advice?
• Are you expanding your work network?  Are you including new dads?
• What are the amenities that will allow your workplace to be family friendly?  Is HR aware/current?
• Will your manager view your trek to the nursing room as a personal complaint or as an opportunity to improve the workplace?

NOTE:  Staying under the radar is rarely a good strategy if you want to be promoted.  Think “out of sight, out of mind.”  Stay visible, expand your network and tap into the wisdom and experience of new dads and mom.  Happy Mothers Day!

Question: It’s Friday, the beginning of a four-day holiday weekend, and my boss insists that I complete a report tonight that I know my clients won’t read until Tuesday.  This isn’t the first Friday night fire drill. I don’t want my career to go up in flames, but how do I keep from getting burned?

Answer:  Oh my! Why so many fire drills? Poor planning, or fear?  Your boss may be over his or her head and lack the experience to distinguish between what is immediate and what can wait.  S/he may simply not understand the ebb and flow of your client’s engagement.  Worst case, your boss may have received a warning or reprimand and fear is igniting the whole group. The immediate result is your holiday plans go up in flames.

It’s up to you to determine if it is a fire drill or a real fire. Begin by stepping back and addressing the following questions:

• What is your relationship with the client?
• What were the follow-up actions that you communicated to the client at the end of the meeting? Did you include a “by when”?
• What is the conversation that you need to have with your boss about planning? Client management? Priorities?
• How often do you drop everything to complete a task? Does your boss value/reward your behavior?
• Do you feel exploited or empowered by the choice you make?

wonder: have you trained your boss to give you last minute edicts?  If yes, it is time to break this bad habit and elevate your personal brand.  Start asking questions and setting expectations. Clear communication will extinguish the flames.