Q:  I generally view things positively and give my colleagues the benefit of the doubt. We have a new boss and the glass is never half-full, it is always half-empty. The morale of our group is going down the drain. Should I say something to my manager?

A:  This is a tricky question especially if the manager is the source of the decline in moral. And, I must admit that it is rare that a manager with lackluster people skills is given the opportunity to run a group, so I feel your pain. What to do? Tread carefully and consider:

• Has there been a negative change in the business metrics to accompany the decline in morale? If yes, who has noticed the change?
• Are high potentials or experienced talent heading for the door? Are competitors viewing your organization as ripe for “poaching”?
• Do you have a trusted advocate, mentor or sponsor that is senior to your manager? Is it appropriate for you to have a confidential conversation with him or her about the situation?

Note: Bad behavior rarely goes unnoticed, especially when morale impacts retention or business results. Don’t get distracted and let your performance dip. Wait for time to take its toll on your manager and stay the course.

Q: I got feedback again that I speak too softly. I am speaking up. What do they want me to do, yell?

A:  Everyone has at least one blind spot and it sounds as if your colleagues are providing accurate feedback. Think about it: they are trying to hear what you are saying and they can’t hear you. This is great feedback—not weighed down by assessment, judgment or hidden agendas.

Accept the feedback graciously, thank your colleagues and consider the following:

• How will you know that your colleagues can hear you? Note: the answer is simple: ask them.
• What is your personal brand: Quiet? Timid? Shy? Lacks confidence?
• Have your friends given up asking you to repeat what you said?

And, here is the most important question you need to answer for yourself:

• Why do my colleagues want me to speak up?

I think that when you answer the final question you will discover that your manager and colleagues value you and what you have to say. They want to hear YOU.

Enjoy this well-worn joke regarding feedback: When someone says you walk like a duck, talk like a duck and look like a duck: start quacking!

Q:  I got my emotional intelligence [EQ] score back and now I am really upset. I always knew that I needed to work on my people skills but here it is in black in white: I got a low score in relationship management, defined as “limiting my effectiveness.” Is my situation worse than I thought?

A: When it comes to real estate, it’s “location, location, location”; when it comes to success at work, it’s “relationship, relationship, relationship”! The good news is that you are aware of the gap and you probably have specific opportunities where you can enhance your effectiveness by improving or deepening relationships. Right? Don’t despair about your EQ score, take action:

• How well do you know your key stakeholders? Note: take the time now to develop or deepen relationships.
• How well do your key stakeholders know you?
• Are you approachable? Likable?
• Are you sharing your know-how or knowledge?
• What do your colleagues and/or clients know about your personal life? Note: Share personal information, not private information.

Note: Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that relationship building is taking time away from work. Relationships are the currency of work—make the investment.

Q:  I enjoy my work but I feel like a duck out of water. I just don’t fit in and I don’t know whether I want to fit in. What should I do?

A:  I am going to hone in on the second part of your question: “I don’t know whether I want to fit in,” because you seem to realize that you have an important choice to make: to fit in or not. The choice is up to you. Here are a few questions to consider:

• Do you want to stay at this job or leave?
• Are you willing to reach out to your colleagues?
• How do you describe the culture of your organization: Friendly? Formal? Collegial? Silos? Other?
• What is the culture that best suits you: Friendly? Formal? Collegial? Silos? Other?
• How well do you know the people with whom you work? How well do they know you?
• Who have you invited for coffee? Lunch? Drinks? Walk?
• Have you hosted a brown bag lunch to share the project you are working on?

Caveat: If the culture of the organization doesn’t match your values or environmental preferences, or if it isn’t a place that inspires you and helps you be your best, you may want to look for a new opportunity.

Finally, don’t be hasty and quit–especially in today’s economic environment–and by all means don’t drag “I don’t fit” into your next organization! Remember: It’s your choice.

Q:  When there is conflict, I stuff down my feelings and walk away. It’s not in my nature to fight back–I let things fester. Help.

A:  Being self aware or emotionally intelligent is the key to appreciating and anticipating your response to conflict. Stuffing your feelings down is not a healthy or long-term strategy for success.

I wonder:

• What is your definition of a conflict? An argument? A disagreement? Loud talking? Or open hostility?
• Does it seem impossible to voice your opinion? To be heard? To get a word in?
• Are you viewed as the quiet one or the one that “goes along to get along” on the team?
• How much will you “take” before you finally speak up?

 Note: I discovered that I have a narrow definition of conflict: loud banter–and my response is annoyance, not anger. Suspend your assessment and pay attention to the cues. With the “right” definition of conflict you will have more freedom to be you.

Q:  I thought it was the winter doldrums but now realize that I am ready to retire.  However, I feel that I have one foot nailed to the floor.  How do I take two steps forward?

A:  Retirement can be an exciting next step if your definition of retirement is current.  I view retirement as the stage in life when you no longer work for money, your money works for you.  As a result, retirement is not the end of work, but work takes on a new meaning. It is no longer a ‘have to,” it is a choice.  Most of my friends who are retired continue to be actively involved some “work” for as many hours as they were pre-retirement.

As you contemplate your next phase, explore the following questions with your significant other and close friends:

• Are you happy?  Fulfilled?
• Unfinished business?  If yes, what is it? What do you need to feel fulfilled? Accomplished?
• What are the new skills and experiences that will keep you sharp and expand your circle of friends?
• What organization can benefit from your deep experience and passion?
• What is your routine to stay vital, visible and vigorous (healthy)?

Note:  Chapter 17 of my book Getting There and Staying There begins with a quotation from Spencer Johnson:  “Life moves on and so should we.”  Re-read the examples on pages 172 -175 I am certain that you will be inspired by the full lives of Mike Ullman, Trish Karter, Jim Padilla and Yvonne Jackson.

Now enjoy a laugh.  

Q:   Will this transition never end? I agreed to train Eric and take on my new role; now I am doing two jobs and it seems that my old manager just won’t let me go.  Help?

A:  Congratulations on your new opportunity and I hope that you will soon be able to put your full time and attention into your new role.  It sounds as if your former manager doesn’t want you to leave. There may be several reasons why, including the likelihood that you were actually doing more than the one job that Eric now has. I wonder if you also may be reluctant to give up your former role: many employees fear that new person isn’t going to “do” the job the same way.

It sounds like you didn’t clearly define the transition when you took on the new role.  Don’t beat yourself up—focus on the future:

• Have you asked Eric to define his level of “readiness” to take responsibility for his new role?   If he says he’s ready, ask him to tell his boss that he no longer needs your day-to-day help. If Eric says “no” and needs more help, ask him to write down exactly the help that he needs and ask him to schedule weekly or bi-weekly calls to address.
• Has Eric followed though on the support that you have provided?  Yes or no.
• Is Eric’s manager “managing” his transition?  Remember:  your role is to transfer your workload, not develop Eric.
• Is Eric competent or is he a “hiring mistake”?

The bottom line is simple:  you can’t do two jobs and a transition that slides from weeks into months is not a transition.  Enlist the help of your new manager. After all, you don’t want to jeopardize your quality of work by spending too much time with Eric.

Q.  I can’t believe that I had to ask three times before my sales guy picked up the phone, made the call, and we got a new client.  Seemed like a simple request.  I am tired of repeating, cajoling and handholding; there has got to be an easy way:  What am I doing wrong?

A.  It sounds as if you have trained your team:  “If he asks a third time it’s serious.  Don’t do anything until he starts yelling.” Sounds crazy, but people create their own rituals about how things work.  The not-so-good news is that current employees indoctrinate new employees. The really bad news is that your uneven response may be the root of the problem:  Sometimes you ask them to do something, but most times you give up and do it yourself.  Now is a good time to put the genie back into the lamp. Here are a few tough questions:

• Are your guys competent?  When you ask them to do the work can they do it?  Note that this is a yes-or-no question
• Are you encouraging your team to take initiative? How?
• How much latitude do they have to get bring their personality, style and approach to the job?  Do they have to do the work following strict roles?
• When emergencies occur, what happens to how you communicate?  How do you shift dates and deadlines?

It seems as if it is time to let your team take flight.  Just point them in the right direction and if the headwinds are too strong—help them out.

Q:  The head of my agency surprised everyone and tendered her resignation after a historic snowfall brought our subway line to a halt.  We read in the newspaper that our agency will be reorganized and the “fat trimmed.”  It’s not fair; what can I do?

A:  I agree, it isn’t fair. But if I am reading your situation correctly, it sounds similar to the recent situation the director of our MBTA in Boston confronted.  Correct?   If yes, you may know from reading my book that “politics” isn’t about fairness. More often, it is about cliques, factions and sometimes murky leadership.

It seems like the most basic of management lessons: When customers, clients or the public come after your employees without justification, you defend them, lest other employees lose confidence … 

Politics are like the weather—wait for the thaw and spring.  Here are a few questions to consider:

• Is this the first time that your agency has been under pressure to reorganize and reduce the number of employees?  If no, what happened?  How did you weather the storm?
• Is your agency “high profile”?  If yes, is it likely to remain in the political spotlight or will another political issue push your agency out of the limelight?
• Has your department recommended productivity or process improvements that were not implemented?  If yes, now may be a good time to bring these ideas to the attention of the acting or newly appointed director
• What is your backup plan?  Is your resume up to date?  Are your skills transferable?  What opportunities exist in other agencies?

With shrinking state revenues and climbing costs, be prepared and adopt “private sector behavior”:  network, have a distinct professional brand and always keep your skills current.

Q.  The director of our volunteer-based organization is a bully. She gets away with it because of her longevity and her close ties to funders.  It’s bad enough that she won’t listen, but even worse is the way she shuts everyone down.  I don’t want to be bullied into quitting. What can I do?

A.  Ouch!  I feel your pain.  It sometimes feels like organization members dismiss the personal idiosyncrasies of people who selflessly contribute—until an individual’s years of service eventually land him or her at the helm of the organization.  Now the personal flaw is a big leadership faux pas.  The leadership situation is often made worse because volunteers are often risk-adverse.  Why? You probably have heard your colleagues say,  “I can’t contribute more time, so I am not going to say anything.”  Ouch, again.

Here are questions to consider:

• Who are your allies?  Among your allies, who is willing work a little bit harder for your organization to regain its attractiveness?  Note:  Don’t meet to grumble or plan a coup; form alliances and re-engage in the mission of your organization.
• Can you call for an election or a change of leadership?  If yes, when?   Do you have a candidate?  Are you willing to be a candidate?
• Is your organization operating according to the by-laws?  Note—don’t get bogged down in legalize, but there may be clause about “professionalism” or “volunteer retention” that can bolster your position.
• Does your organization report to or have emeritus members?  If yes, without gossiping, do they know that volunteer participation is declining and that members feel that they cannot contribute?

Most bullies don’t rise to leadership positions and in well-run business organizations there is zero tolerance for bullying.  If a bully is chairing a committee or an organization, it is because a lot of people have fallen asleep at the switch.  Thanks for asking the question and not quitting.  Your organization needs you and you are clearly awake!