Q.  My partner wants to send flowers to me at work but it’s embarrassing.  I work in an open area—heck, I don’t really have desk.  What should I do when the flowers arrive?

A.  Flowers! What a great problem to have on Valentines Day! But being embarrassed by open displays of affection or by the fact that all eyes are on you is a not a good issue to deal with at any time of the year.  Here are a few questions to sort out your reaction to being the center of attention:

• Are you flying under the radar with subpar work? Because you owe someone a deliverable?
• Are you struggling and feel that you don’t have a full grasp on your job?  If yes, you may feel slightly “embarrassed” most of the work week, concerned that you may be “found out.”
• Do you have one foot out the door? Are you making plans to leave the company?
• Is the issue the “flowers” or the fact that you are in a relationship?

Remember that being embarrassed or not wanting to be the center or attention likely stems from your assessment of the world.  It is an “inside-out” issue, not an “outside-in” one—what’s important is your reaction, not your partner’s and colleagues’ behavior.

Aim your attention at making Valentines Day easy-going and romantic.  In lieu of flowers, ask your partner to send Dove Dark Chocolate Minis.  Everyone loves them—I know I do– and you can savor being the center of attention.

Q. My predecessor was a natural in the role and all eyes are now on me.  How can I meet their expectations? I don’t want to stumble or fumble my opportunity to win the way the Seahawks did in Super Bowl XLIX.

A.   When I hear “natural,” I think about the 10,000 hours of practice that Malcolm Gladwell describes in Outliers:  The Story of Success.  Few people are “naturals”—what looks easy is revealed, on closer inspection, to have been achieved through practice, practice, and more practice.  In the 25^th Anniversary Edition of Mindfulness, Ellen Langer encourages us to redirect our attention:

“Our tendency is to focus on outcome…. When we envy other people’s assets, accomplishments or characteristics, …. We may be looking at the result of their efforts rather than at the process they went through on the way… Keeping an eye on process, on the steps anyone must take to become expert, keeps us from disparaging ourselves.” [page 48]

How will you meet expectations?  It is up to you to manage expectations vs. scrambling to meet expectations that you think, fear, and imagine but have not verified.  Begin by addressing the following questions:

• What are the unique qualities, skills or talents that you bring to the role?  How will you leverage your talents? 
• What is the business opportunity or challenge that led senior management to select you for this role?  How and when will you put your unique stamp on the strategic direction of your group or on your client engagements?
• In this new role, who are your key stakeholders?
• What are the specific expectations of your key stakeholders?  Are you aligned?  Is there a win/win for all of your stakeholders?

And, finally remember to be you:  it’s the most natural way to success.

A.    I am an executive assistant and when my boss moved to a new firm, I moved with her.  Unfortunately, gossip and cliques are rampant here. I have always been able to socialize at work and maybe I got spoiled or am naïve but, honestly, I don’t know whom to trust here.

B.    Very interesting dilemma.  I wonder if your boss was hired from the outside to “shake things up” or is she part of an overall change in senior leadership.  If so, it’s possible that, in the wake of uncertainty and change, rumors are flying and cliques forming as people try to anticipate the shift and the new locus of power.

I have the highest respect for executive assistants because their success results from their loyalty, integrity and their adeptness of creating access and openness to their boss while at the same time maintaining confidentiality.  Your goal is to stay out of the fray and not be viewed as aloof, as an outsider or (heaven forbid) as arrogant.

So, I can appreciate the timeliness of your question.  Consider the following:

• How open are you to change?  What can you do to make your colleagues feel comfortable? Welcome?  Note:  I recognize the challenge of doing this without joining them in gossip.
• What is your boss’s point of view on the organizational culture?
• Who are your boss’s allies/supporters?  Which departments/organizations do you depend on?
• Given this new environment, what will you communicate to your boss?  What or whom will you keep an eye on?

Remember that you and your boss are a package. You can pave the way for your boss by being a trustworthy intermediary: communications will flow not only to you but also through you.  Good luck.

Q:  Martin Luther King Day is a floating holiday in our law firm and, although I have worked on this day in the past, this year feels different.  I am one of three black attorneys and I hope to make partner this year—should I work or take the day off?

A:  After protestors paused to bury two NYC policemen, the quiet ended abruptly as   twelve journalists seated at their morning meeting lost their lives.  I wonder what Martin Luther King would say about the state of our country and the state of the world.  My thought today is that he would say “I am Trayvon Martin” and “Je suis Charlie” as he called for peace. On Monday January 19, what is appropriate for you?  Consider in advance the following:

• Are you working on a case with colleagues that have a deadline the week of January 19?  If yes, are your colleagues working on January 19?
• What is different for you about MLK day this year?  Why do you feel it is more important to honor Dr. King this year?
• As an attorney, how can you or your firm make a difference in the area of social justice through the pro-bono work you do?
• Do you feel as if you are losing or giving up your cultural/ethnic identity as you move up in the firm?  If yes, what do you value?  What makes you “you”?  Do you “fit in”? Note:  Don’t try to blend in –“fake it till you make it” doesn’t work.
• Do your colleagues know why this year is different for you?  Have you communicated your opinion or what you feel?

Recommendation:  Don’t go underground with your feelings. Being a professional means that you have the capacity to express, explain and inspire others.  Why not organize a MLK Day of Service or a movie outing and go see Selma?

Q.  I am trying to think positive and stick to my 2015 New Year’s resolutions, but I admit I haven’t had success in the past achieving the things I really want.  Should I keep trying?

 A.  It sounds like “trying” has replaced “being” (to use what might sound like a new-age term).  It seems that you are approaching 2015 as a task—“I have to”—vs. being clear and focused.  Don’t waste time making a long list of resolutions that you will try to achieve, OK?   Join my friends and me: Each year we pick one word —for example, vitality, abundance, peace, or creativity—and live the word each day.

How?  Begin each day with your word—for example, if your word is gratitude consider the following:

• How will I express my gratitude and appreciation in meetings, social situations, and the other places I find myself?
• Am I aware of the quality of my life?  Am I grateful?  Note: most people lose touch with what they have or what they have accomplished.
• Am I responding with grace and gratitude in difficult situations?
• What are the ways that I am demonstrating my gratitude to clients, colleagues, and friends and my family?
• Where is gratitude—or acknowledgment —missing?  What can I say or do to acknowledge a contribution that my team, colleague, or client has made?
• As I end my day, what am I grateful for?

Recommendation:  When you select your word, begin with a dictionary definition.  You will probably discover that your word can be expressed in a variety of nuanced ways.

My word for 2015 is peace —calm, tranquility, peacefulness, harmony, order, restfulness and much more.   As you make the important shift from writing resolutions to choosing a word, be at peace with yourself and focus on being not only who you are but also what you want to achieve in 2015.

Happy 2015

Q:  I have big plans for 2015. How do I move forward?

A:  Congratulations! Do you have a specific goal to achieve? If yes, by when?  2015 can be a great year if you consider the following:

1. Is your plan in your head or written down?  If it is not written down your “plan” is not a plan.
2. When you achieve your plan what is the benefit to you? Your family? Your manager? Your organization?
3. Who are your key stakeholders?
4. What roles have you asked your stakeholders to take on to ensure your plan succeeds? (For example: Advocate? Inform others? Clear the path? Provide advice?)
5. Does your plan have an impact on the quality of your life? Positive? Negative? Neutral?
6. Will your plan keep you energized and inspired?
7. What is your elevator speech that conveys your plan?

Don’t fall or be lured into the trap of “are you being realistic?” Instead, ask yourself, “Is my plan achievable if I stretch?”  By focusing on what you can achieve and by when, you will be on your way to making big things happen in 2015.  

Truth be told, I wasn’t going to write a Holiday letter—I wimped out the last two  years.  However, I am so pleased that I flipped through my photographs to appreciate my accomplishments and to be inspired by my adventures.   A picture is worth a thousand words and I realized the abundance of goodness, generosity and serendipity in my life

The good news is that I am following the advice that I share with clients:  take time to reflect and celebrate your accomplishments.  So, in place of the question and answer format here are a few of highlights from December 2013 to December 2014!

December 3, 2013 – Oh, what a night. Star Jones launched my Boston book tour at Darryl’s!  Standing room only.  It has been a delight to get royalty checks from Amazon.

January – Rang in 2014 on the beach in Mexico with Landmark Education Wisdom Community. Inspiring conversations, lots of dancing and fun, fun, fun!

March – The book buzz is yielding results: three speaking invitations in March: AICPA, YMCA Black Achievers NYC, Young Professionals of the MA Women’s Political Caucus, all enthusiastic audiences, I loved it!

April  – OMG! Thanks to Star Jones, I shared the stage with Robin Roberts and Barbara Corcoran (Shark Tank) as member of a panel discussion for the National Association of Professional Women (NAPW) Annual Gathering. The venue: the exquisite Marriot Marquis Hotel Ballroom overlooking Time Square. Delighted that Carolyn traveled from Florida to cheer me on.

May– 7-day trip to Berlin with International Women’s Forum with a side trip to Prague. 700 women attended the conference and I facilitated a break out panel discussion on Innovation and Energy.

June – “Always on my mind” I attended my sixth Willie Nelson concert and delighted in Neil Patrick Harris’s hosting of the Tony Awards.  I LOVE the theater especially Broadway musicals.

July –  My friend Ralph Gants is sworn in as MA Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Honored guest include our former boss Judge William Webster past Director of the FBI.

September – Keynote presentation and book signing: 250 members of the Massachusetts Hospital Association.  I joined the members of my 1981-82 White House Fellows Class  wearing my cowboy boots,  hat and fringed pants for a western reunion in Colorado. As you know, what happens at the reunion stays at the reunion.

October:  Approximately one hundred women attended the National Association of Professional Women (NAPW)  sponsored event held at Simmons College.  My topic:  “Expand Your Emotional Intelligence”.  The Q&A session was inspiring and very energetic.

November: I began the month by presenting “Bloom Where You are Planted” to the Professional Studies VantagePoint Group at Northeastern University.    A member of my White House Fellows Class, JCPenney CEO and Mercy Ships Chair of Board Mike Ullman received the John Gardner Legacy of Leadership Award at our Annual Alumni meeting.  I had the honor of making introductory remarks. Colin Powel—also a WHF alumni was in the audience.

December: Being promoted to Managing Director in the financial service industry is a big deal. Nine (count ‘em—9!) of my “coachee’s” were  promoted to Managing Director in December.

I hope that you have enjoyed the 51 blogs that I wrote this year. And,  if you are wondering what gift to give me, please encourage your friends to sign up for my blog so that I have more followers

Now, follow my example:  reflect and celebrate your accomplishments. You will be as surprised and inspired as I am.

Peace be with you.

Merry Christmas!

Happy Chanukah

Joyeux Noel!