Question: After the meeting break I walked back into the room and my three colleagues immediately stopped talking. I know they were talking about me because I heard my name. I felt awful and I have been avoiding them. What else can I do?
Answer: Yuck! I hate it when that happens. And I get thrown off when I hear my name followed by shushing. No one is perfect in this area and almost everyone has an emotional reaction that is grade-school level.
Talking about someone vs. taking to them sucks the integrity and trust out of relationships. If ignored, will hamper future relationships. You have probably determined that ignoring your gossiping colleagues is not a successful long-term strategy.
Ask the following questions to get back on track:
- Do you have a solid relationship with one of the three involved in the gossip? If yes, causally or with humor ask, “I heard my name–what did I miss?” [NOTE: Always assume positive intent and be willing to move your relationship forward.]
- What is the culture of your workgroup? Supportive? Back biting? Gossip about everyone?
- Do you gossip? Do colleagues come to you to gossip?
Remember that listening to gossip is as destructive as being the source of gossip. Cultivate a reputation as a person who stays above the fray. Check yourself by asking: if Mark knew that I was gossiping about him, would it help or harm our relationship? Our friendship? If the answer is yes, please keep your mouth shut.
