Q:  Recently, my boss has been asking me questions that begin, “Don’t you agree with…?” How can I give an honest response to a leading question?

A:  Make the following assessment:

1. Are you in a private 1:1 or in an open setting?
2. What is the purpose of the meeting:  decide and move on? Discuss and explore? Other?
3. If it’s open meeting, who else is in the room? Customers/clients? Collaborative or competitive internal group?
4. Does your boss value or want to hear your opinion?

Consider the context:

1. Is your manager in a “tight/no fail” situation?
2. Does your boss “really” have options, or is he or she being directed to execute?
3. Did you already present your view and your boss/team is following another direction?
4. Has your boss recently questioned your performance? Credibility?

Press the pause button before you act.   A “don’t you agree” question can lead you down two opposite paths:  “Is my boss not listening to me?” or “Am I not listening/following my boss?”

Consider:  Are you viewing the situation from your manager’s perspective?  Your boss may not be asking you a “real” question.  By contrast your boss may be trying to steer you in the “right” direction to convey consensus and a unified front or to display team alignment. If you are in a fast moving business, perhaps your organization is at the bleeding edge of an unannounced shift in process or strategy that your boss has not shared with you.

However, if you are pushing an idea that has already been decided in a different way, it’s no surprise that your boss is putting words in your mouth.  Or, if your relationship with your boss or performance is slipping,  “Don’t you agree…” may mean “You are on a short leash… don’t disagree with me (again).”

Now may be the best time to let the question lead you to the most appropriate course of action.

Q:  I met my annual goal, but other members of my group did not.  Will I be penalized?

A:  Think back to your mid-year performance review. After reviewing your accomplishments, did you discuss the following with your manager?

1. What are the expectations of your manager—group success or individual?
2. Are rewards and recognition based on group performance or on individual performance or a combination?
3. In addition to achieving your individual goal what did you do to help/support your team members achieve their goals?
4. Did you meet your goal with the help/input of a team member?
5. Does your organizational culture reward individual efforts or collaborations?

Reminder: In most organizations, the bonus pool numbers are determined at year end and it is unlikely that your manager will know the exact number. Even if she does, it is a number that is not shared/publicized.

Given the competitive environment, bonuses seem to be shrinking as corporations explore new ways to reward, recognize and retain employees.  What is the competitive landscape for your organization?  Fewer promotions? What happened last year—were smaller or fewer bonuses awarded?

Avoid two common mistakes (1) Don’t harken back to the good old days and (2) Don’t make the mistake of living as if your bonus is part of your base.

Remember: Be alert and adjust your expectations to the market dynamics.  Ensure that you are in alignment with your manager and never, ever substitute hope for a real conversation with your boss!

Q: I don’t trust my manager. What can I do?  What should I do?

A:  Your first response may be to dig into why YOU don’t trust your manager.  However, the answer to your question may emerge when you ask and answer the following questions:

• Do you like/respect your manager:  Yes/no?
• If no, what do you say or do to convey how you feel?
• Does your manager get the message that you sent:  Yes/no?
• If yes, what is the effect on you?
• Has your manager given you specific direction or feedback?
• Have you followed the feedback exactly as offered:  Yes/no?
• If no, why not?
• If yes, what is missing or incomplete?
• From your manager’s perspective, are you trustworthy?

What should you do?  Be alert.   You may be creating or slipping into a toxic relationship.  It’s important to ask:  What are the ways that you can be productive and meet your manager’s expectation without the need for trust?

Remember:  You can quickly detect trustworthiness in someone but you may think that you are masterful concealing how you feel.  Not!

Instead of focusing on your feelings, ask:  does the person do what say they are going to do when they say they are going to do it?  Remember that trustworthiness is observable and works both ways. Be sure your manager can trust you.

Need inspiration?

A man [woman] that trusts nobody is apt to be the kind of man [woman] that nobody trust  ~  Harold MacMillan, Prime Minister of United Kingdom

Q.  In less than two years I have created an A+ team, with the exception of one person who is politically wired to my manager’s boss. What do I do?

A:  Have you asked and answered these questions?

1. Who is the person “politically wired” to, and what is the currency of their relationship? For example, providing access? Resources? Bartering in information or gossip? Knows where bodies are buried?
2. Do you have higher status, authority, and position than this person? If yes, are you using your power or losing it?
3. What is the quality of your relationship with your manager? With the managers’ boss?
4. Are you being influential?
5. How robust is your network?  What “new” connections have you created in the last two years?
6. What is your relationship to the people that he/she is “wired to” and what are you providing?

Note: Think about your influence and stature as a counter weight to the politically wired person.  Determine if the person is really connected or just blustering.  Start by determining how the person became a member of your team and whether they are adding value or “marking time.  Whatever you do—don’t rock the boat especially if the person has more years and connection than you have currently. Your goal is to first balance the scale and then topple it in your favor.

Remember—ask questions.  Be patient.  Solidify your relationships.

Good luck.

Q:  I was assigned to a project that was a big failure. How do I recover?

A:  Have you explored the following questions?

1. What is the gap between expected and actual project outcomes?
2. Did someone actually say the project was a “big failure”?  A person of influence? Authority?  Your boss?

Now consider:

1. Did you fail? Or did the project fail?
2. What did you (your team, your organization) learn from the experience?
3. How will this experience add value to your business acumen?

Act now:  How you respond to failure is more important that the specific incident.  Go through the checklist:  Did you have the competence to achieve the project?  Is your credibility intact with your boss, peers, and key stakeholders?  And, finally, do you have the confidence to accept responsibility, grow from the experience and move on?

Need inspiration?  Here are three quotations to keep in mind as you move forward:

• Success is the ability to go from one failure to another without loss of enthusiasm.  (Winston Churchill)
• If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.  (Woody Allen)
• Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.  Thomas Edison

Q:  What’s wrong? I have a well-thought-out career plan but I am not advancing.

A:  Are you asking and answering the following questions:

• Have you shared your plan with your manager?  Your mentor?
• Are you able to adjust the plan to different “audiences”?
• Are you aligned with changing organizational dynamics?
• Are you at a pivot point in your career?
  • Have you incorporated previous performance feedback?

Your manager and your mentor can give you a reality check on your career plan and help you take steps to advance it, but only if they are on board. They can also help you keep your plan in alignment with the changing dynamics of your organization, perhaps even allowing you to move ahead of the change. When you pivot, you change direction, keeping one foot on the floor. What would a pivot point in your career look like now?

Act now: What additional questions will you ask to ensure that you are moving toward your professional goal? Who do you need to inform and involve? Remember that plans move from idea to action when you communicate them.

Recall the “C-Suite Advice” offered by former Ford Motor Company President Jim Padilla:  Plan your work and work your plan.  Your career will not move ahead until you do.

You gain momentum when you enlist the right circle of supporters.  Stop spinning your wheels in thinking.

It takes agility to see opportunities and move into them.   Asking the “right” question at the right time will help you get there and stay.  This blog doesn’t provide answers. On the contrary, it gives you a few questions to get started—the rest is up to you.

Now that you have read my book – Getting There & Staying There:  Coaching Questions To Get There and Stay – I would like to hear from you:  What is your question?

About me:  I have been coaching individuals in the C-suite and enroute to the C-suite for over 20 years.  I am absolutely passionate about my work and when my clients produce the results they seek I am delighted.  I am actively engaged and curious about global affairs, technological advances, emerging social systems. My enthusiasm for professional growth and development is contagious.