Q: Recently, my boss has been asking me questions that begin, “Don’t you agree with…?” How can I give an honest response to a leading question?
A: Make the following assessment:
- Are you in a private 1:1 or in an open setting?
- What is the purpose of the meeting: decide and move on? Discuss and explore? Other?
- If it’s open meeting, who else is in the room? Customers/clients? Collaborative or competitive internal group?
- Does your boss value or want to hear your opinion?
Consider the context:
- Is your manager in a “tight/no fail” situation?
- Does your boss “really” have options, or is he or she being directed to execute?
- Did you already present your view and your boss/team is following another direction?
- Has your boss recently questioned your performance? Credibility?
Press the pause button before you act. A “don’t you agree” question can lead you down two opposite paths: “Is my boss not listening to me?” or “Am I not listening/following my boss?”
Consider: Are you viewing the situation from your manager’s perspective? Your boss may not be asking you a “real” question. By contrast your boss may be trying to steer you in the “right” direction to convey consensus and a unified front or to display team alignment. If you are in a fast moving business, perhaps your organization is at the bleeding edge of an unannounced shift in process or strategy that your boss has not shared with you.
However, if you are pushing an idea that has already been decided in a different way, it’s no surprise that your boss is putting words in your mouth. Or, if your relationship with your boss or performance is slipping, “Don’t you agree…” may mean “You are on a short leash… don’t disagree with me (again).”
Now may be the best time to let the question lead you to the most appropriate course of action.