Q:  I never thought that this would happen to me: Another day has passed, and I am sitting at my desk, not working out.  Help!

A:  In his book The End of Illness, Dr. David Agus warns that “sitting for long periods of time, even if you exercise rigorously once during the day, has biologic effects that are surprisingly worst than imagined…worst than smoking.”  OMG!  I read his book after a bout of sciatica—a condition that I had never even heard of, that reduced me to tears.  What a wake-up call:  I not only discovered the negative effects of prolonged sitting I also discovered a legion of fellow sciatica sufferers.   Trust me—you do not want to be a member of this group, so think broadly about how you incorporate movement into your day.  Think broadly about getting your exercise. Ask:

• What is my current mix of physical activities:  walking or driving to work? Stairs vs elevator? Morning, afternoon or evening workout?
• If evening, how often does work interfere with getting my work out?  If 80% of the time, consider a different time of day.
• Do I enjoy or dread my activity? Remember, it’s your choice! Pick something you enjoy—if you’ve had it with lifting weights, try salsa dancing!

As for me, I work at a standing desk and log 10,000 steps at minimum on my Fitbit each day.  What can you do to be creative? Remember: if you don’t have your health, your ability to work will be impaired.  It’s a trade off not worth making. 

Q:   My boss suggested that I get a coach–am I in trouble?

A:  If this were 2004, not 2014, having your boss recommend you see a coach might be a negative signal. But today, coaching is viewed as a perk, not a punishment.  Still, let’s dig deeper.

You may be “in trouble” if you answer “yes” to the following questions:

• Has your performance rating dropped?
• Did you not meet your first quarter expectations?
• Have there been any complaints from colleagues or virtual team members?
• Are you feeling pressured to change?

A “yes” answer may signal that you are out of alignment with your manager–in other words you are “in trouble.”  Take a look back at the feedback your manager provided before suggesting a coach. Did you listen to your manager’s feedback?  Did you adjust your behavior?  If no, ask yourself why?

Coaching only works if and when you are open to feedback.  So, if you feel pressured by your boss to get a coach it may be tough going at first.  You have to determine the following:

• What is the specific reason your boss is recommending a coach?
• Do you have friends or colleagues who have had positive results with a coach?
• What do you need/want to improve?

The most important question is:  Are you open and willing to change?

Q:  I got my notice today, I don’t have a job.  Where do I start?

A:  Take a deep breath and remember that when a door closes another opens.  Your job now is to look for the open doors not drive yourself into depression looking back at a closed door.  When you look forward you will probably notice that you knew that the notice was coming, you were not blindsided, and as a result, you have probably thought about what you would do but you didn’t put your plan into action.  You have to ask yourself:

• What do I want to do next?  You probably haven’t asked yourself that question in a thoughtful way since stepping into your current job.  Now is a good time to assess and/or reconnect with the driving force that will fuel your career.
• What is my financial situation?  What changes if any do I need to make?  After the severance, how long will my funds last?
• What is your plan  – beyond LinkedIn—to communicate your current status and what you want/need to do next? What is the condition of your network?
• Are you emotionally up for the job search?  If you are depressed, angry or confused, it will come through in how you communicate your skill, knowledge and experience.

In this economic environment where the drive to the bottom line often means reorganizations, losing a job is not a badge of shame.  Your performance may have no relationship to the fact that you got tapped on the shoulder. 

However, as you begin your conversations with friends and potential employers, you won’t get much sympathy if you say, “I was so surprised.” You will get even less support if you didn’t leverage your previous opportunity to grow professionally.  Your job now is to move quickly and change direction. 

Demonstrate your resiliency and your agility by using your contacts to get that next job or (if you have the desire and the guts) start your own firm.

Q:  What a Valentines Day! I have a gorgeous engagement ring and I am so happy.  Here’s the problem:  we work together and have kept it a secret.  Do I wear the ring or not?

A:  Congratulations!  Mazel Tov! Proust! Felicitaciones! बधाई हो

This is the first time that I have been asked this question!  Here are a few questions to consider:

• Are you absolutely certain that your relationship is a “secret”?  Note, most colleagues are polite and respect your privacy—so if you didn’t bring it up –neither would they, but they may have picked up the clues.
• What are the formal company guidelines about dating colleagues?
• What are the “informal” or “cultural” practices?
• Have you crossed formal/informal boundaries?  Are you breaking any rules?
• What is the professional future you and your fiancé have planned?
• What do you think you should do:  wear the ring? Or not?

Although I don’t have an answer for you from previous experience, I do know that  (1) You– the client– almost always have the answer; and (2) in the 24x7x365 world, secrets are almost impossible to keep.  You can gather data and input from others but I trust that  together you will make the right decision.

 Q:  While we are celebrating Black History Month, I am so frustrated that the burden is on me to fit in and develop executive presence to make SVP.  What can I do?

A:   Sometimes it feels unfair but don’t confuse “fitting in” with “executive presence.” They are two different things.  Fitting in is not optional.  Remember, you picked the profession and the company and you accepted the role.  As you made your series of decisions you learned about the organizational culture—values, norms and behavior—and said, “Yes, I can work here.”  Now that you are on the court—you are in the game.  It is important to consider:

• What does it take to be successful here?
• Who are the “heroes” and who are the “goats”?
• Why did they hire “me”?
• What do they like about me?
• Am I the same person that they hired?

You have a broader range of behavior that will signal that you have executive presence – gravitas—and executive presence is based on you being YOU.   Ask the following questions:

• Do I have followers?
• Am I engaging?  Mindful?  Likeable?
• When and where do I influence decisions? Outcomes? Ideas?
• Is my brand “strong” and consistent?

Everyone who makes it to the senior position–Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, LGBT– has executive presence.  What is your unique and authentic  expression of executive presence?  

To reach your goal: you adeptly align your communication style and message to your audience, leaving them informed, in action and (when appropriate) inspired.   You will be on your way to that Senior Vice President role when you are authentic, not just adjusting your “mask” to fit in.

Remember:

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

—Joseph Campbell

Q:  I try to change but I can’t—why?

A:  Before I answer your question

Quarterbacks Manning and Wilson eclipsed Punxsutawney Phil; the Super Bowl overshadowed Groundhog Day.  However, now is a good time to download the movie Groundhog Day. Why?  If you think you are having trouble changing, take a look at “Phil,” played by Bill Murray.

In the movie we see Bill Murray waking up day after day trapped in the day before Groundhog Day.   Disbelief, anger, and reckless behavior characterize his half-empty view of life.  Slowly he discovers that when he changes his reactions to the events around him he is able to impact what happens around him.  See the movie to witness the complete transformation but, to answer your question, YOU have a choice:  change your behavior and you will get different results, or don’t change your behavior and stay trapped in the repeating loop of “same action equals same outcome.”

When you say, “I can’t change,” consider the following:

Questions:

• What do you want?
• If you continue on the same course, what will your future be?
• What is the “low hanging” [e.g. easiest/less threatening] skill, knowledge or behavior that you can change?
• What is the benefit (to you) of not changing?
• What is the benefit to you, your family, your boss, and your colleagues of change?
• When is your next opportunity to “act, do or be” different?
• What choice(s) will you make?  When?

Finally, everyone knows that insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting a different outcome.  Focus on the outcomes that you want to have in your life and make the appropriate choices—change will follow.  Turn your circle into a spiral and start climbing.

Need a laugh?  

In 1937 Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow at 9:09 AM after an unfortunate meeting with a skunk!

Q:  Eek!  What can I do?  It’s only January, I am swamped and the work keeps coming

A: Sometimes I feel swamped.  Yes, me and when that happens I have a vivid image:  work seems to come at me like a giant snowball—not the pristine white “Frosty the Snowman” ball – my giant snowball rolls at (and over) me with rocks, twigs and miscellaneous debris.  The aftermath—I become entangled in the detritus.  Not a pleasant experience.

Avoid the common mistake of making a check list of all the things that you have to do—you are just making another snowball. As a result, my goal is to be quick and spot the snowball coming my way and then be agile and step out its path.  Here are a few questions to consider:

• What is the one thing that you can complete now and be left with a sense of accomplishment?
• Do you need to revise your plan?
• Have you clarified expectations?  Timeframes?  Remember everything is not “due tomorrow”
• Remember to connect the dots—Who do you hand your work to and how will it be used? When?
• Do you “like” your job?  Are you enjoying what you are doing?
• Are you and your boss aligned regarding your goals for 2014 performance?

Be honest:  Do you have too much on your plate?  If yes, now is the time to discuss with your manager. Remember that work will continue to come at you and it is up to you to manage the pace, delegate and/or clarify expectations.   If it looks like a snowball of debris, grab a twig not a rock. Really? Find the humor in your situation — it will clear the path to a unique solution.

Finally, need a laugh?  See below: 

Q:  I am newly elected president of my professional group and a long-standing committee member is saying really horrible things about me to the members. What do I do?

A:  Always remember who you are.  Don’t let someone else define you.  Use your emotional intelligence and always take the high ground by (a) not lowering your behavior and comments to their level;  (b) not taking the comments as an indictment of your character; and (c) being alert and asking:

• Does this person have a history (reputation) of disruptive behavior?
• What are the expectations of the membership regarding the future of the organization?  Did they elect you to “clean house” and/or restore harmony?
• What does this individual contribute to your organization?
• What (if any) political connections/cache does this person have?
• What is the appropriate 1:1 conversation you need to have with this person?
• What is the high ground—the contribution that the person has made to the organization that can be publicly acknowledged so that the person can exit with dignity?

Remember that it is easy to get “hooked” by negative comments even when you are self-aware and have a high EQ.  Why? Because it often seems that there is some truth in the negative comments especially when you are new to a role and your inner voice is engendering self-doubt.

When negative thoughts or hostile words come your way take a deep breath and remember the skills, knowledge and behavior that helped you get there.  To “stay there,” remember who you are and don’t let others define you.

Q:  While on vacation, I don’t like being caught by a bunch of candid photos. But when I say, “Please Stop.  No photos.” I am surprised by the rude responses I receive from people I don’t even know. What can I do?

A:  Avoid the Alec Baldwin reaction to paparazzi and respond with a firm communication.  With smart phones in everyone’s pockets these days, protecting your brand can feel like a 24×7 activity, especially if you are under 30.  In an instant your vacation photo appears on social media sites and, shortly thereafter, facial recognition ensures that your name appears too.  And with a few more clicks your address appears.   Voila! There you are for all to see in a bathing suit with a drink in your hand.

Consider the following questions:

• When your vacation photo appears showing you in a pub or wearing a funny hat, will it enhance or tarnish your brand?
• If you are traveling, is your home secure?  Will you be secure when you return?
• If the photo of you goes viral will it support or harm your brand?
• What is your social media strategy?
• Do you want to maintain boundary between vacation mode and work? Is this possible for you?

Finally, you don’t want to be the stiff at the party or the one missing from every group shot.  So put down the drink (even if it’s during a toast), look around to ensure that others are well behaved and SMILE.

Q:  I have big plans for 2014. How do I keep all of them moving forward?

A:  Congratulations!  2014 can be a great year if you consider the following:

1. Is your plan in your head or written down?
2. Who is the audience for your plan?
3. When you achieve your plan what is the benefit to you? Your family? Your manager? Your organization?
4. Who are the key stakeholders? 
5. What roles have you asked your stakeholders to take on to ensure your plan succeeds? (For example: Advocate? Inform others? Clear the path? Provide advice?)
6. Does your plan have an impact on the quality of your life? Positive? Negative? Neutral?
7. What is your elevator speech that conveys your plan?

Don’t fall or be lured into the trap of “are you being realistic?” Instead, ask yourself, “Is my plan achievable?”  By focusing on what you can achieve and by when, you will be on your way to making big things happen in 2014.

In the words of Captain Pickard, Starship Enterprise,  “Make it so”….