Q: I am newly elected president of my professional group and a long-standing committee member is saying really horrible things about me to the members. What do I do?
A: Always remember who you are. Don’t let someone else define you. Use your emotional intelligence and always take the high ground by (a) not lowering your behavior and comments to their level; (b) not taking the comments as an indictment of your character; and (c) being alert and asking:
- Does this person have a history (reputation) of disruptive behavior?
- What are the expectations of the membership regarding the future of the organization? Did they elect you to “clean house” and/or restore harmony?
- What does this individual contribute to your organization?
- What (if any) political connections/cache does this person have?
- What is the appropriate 1:1 conversation you need to have with this person?
- What is the high ground—the contribution that the person has made to the
organization that can be publicly acknowledged so that the person can exit with dignity?
Remember that it is easy to get “hooked” by negative comments even when you are self-aware and have a high EQ. Why? Because it often seems that there is some truth in the negative comments especially when you are new to a role and your inner voice is engendering self-doubt.
When negative thoughts or hostile words come your way take a deep breath and remember the skills, knowledge and behavior that helped you get there. To “stay there,” remember who you are and don’t let others define you.
