Q: My new boss tells me that I need to open up.  Really? I prefer to keep my personal life private and don’t usually share details about my home life with people I don’t know well.

A: Yes, you should listen, act and thank you manager for the feedback.  Why? The lines between personal and professional lives blur when you move into more senior roles.  And being open is the key to success, especially if you are in a client-facing role such as sales, development/advancement, regional manager, private banking or community outreach. Bottom line: openness, transparency, authenticity and likeability are no longer optional traits.

Being open doesn’t mean telling strangers your deep dark secrets—please keep them to yourself.  Simply put, “open” is how people should feel and what they should say after they interact with you.  The opposite feelings that you can leave people with is that you are reserved, cautious, defensive, arrogant or aloof.  What impression do you make?

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Did you ask your new manager for specific feedback? What exactly does being open mean to your manager?  Note:  Don’t assume that you know… if you haven’t asked, you don’t know.
• Is there a legitimate reason that your private life is separate? Are you hiding something?  Alcoholism, gambling addiction, serious illness (yourself or another) or the feeling that you are in over your head at work? Note: Hiding doesn’t work.  It isn’t a sustainable strategy—seek the appropriate help.
• Do you give one-word answers or ignore questions that you consider personal?  If yes, how do others respond?
• Do you have an elevator speech prepared to answer everyday questions? What did you do this weekend?  What are your vacation plans?  How is the family?
• What do you say to get another person to talk? To open up? Note: When they open up to you, do you open up in return?

It’s time to take down the wall between work life and personal life. Follow the example of Millennials; they don’t draw a hard line between their private and professional lives.  Their work is not separate from their “real” life. Without those boundaries, oh the places you can go!

1. Getting there and Staying There is a cycle:  once you get there, you stay there until it is time to move, to get to a new there.
2. To accelerate the cycle home in on four points of agility: aware/alert? Adjust? Align and act.
3. Getting there is attaining your professional objective—a new position, an interesting assignment or a role in a project that can be a stepping stone to your next achievement.
4. Staying there is success—as you define it.   It is not a destination it is your choice of action at this stage of your career qnd above it all it means staying involved.
5. Getting There and Staying isn’t about “right” answers, it’s about asking the right questions. Set aside time on a regular basis to take stock and ask yourself (and perhaps others) questions to guide you in where you are currently and where you want to go.
6. Make it a habit of knowing exactly where you are at any given point in your career be alert to the hurdles and the opportunities of your current situation/status so that you can act accordingly and appropriately.
7. Be able to powerfully articulate what is unique about you and how you add value especially to key stakeholders.
8. Be committed to learning new things and be actively curious.   Set aside time on a regular basis to do so.
9. Be mindful and engaged. Seek new vistas.
10.  Always surround yourself with people who make your life meaningful and happy.

Have a great week,

Priscilla 

Question:  My boss knows that I want to be promoted this year. It’s May, and she hasn’t mentioned anything.  A headhunter contacted me with the same job but more money.  Should I leave?

Answer:  It is very interesting that you are waiting for your boss to approach you.  If you are an entry level manager on a career ladder, it’s likely that the HR process is driving your career.  Before you consider leaving your current company for what sounds like a lateral move, address the following:

• In the next 18 months, my goal is to ________
• I have made the following contributions to my department or organization:
• Have I been recognized or rewarded?
• The skills, knowledge and competency that I have developed are:
• The one experience or capability that I need to secure my next position is_____

The key to your current success and career satisfaction is to own your job/role and to use your current opportunity to grow into your next job.  Remember that you didn’t end up in this job by accident and no one is twisting your arm to stay –or at least I hope not!  Why not take the opportunity to bloom where you are planted?  Invigorate your work consider the following:

• What opportunity can you create to work across departmental lines?
• How can you add value to the business?
• What project can you initiate that will give you visibility to senior management, or customers, or to a new area of the organization?
•  How can you help your manager be more successful?

Now, schedule a meeting with your manager and enlist her support to produce the results,create the relationships and demonstrate the style that will result in your promotion.  Your actions determine your success.

From Chapter 4:  Am I Getting the Most Out of My Mentors, Advisors, and Advocates?

Don’t fish for the advice you want to hear

If you routinely opt not to follow someone’s advice, it only shows that you have not selected your advisors carefully. This is a quick way to tick people off and burn bridges. Select people you know will give you good advice, even if it’s not exactly what you “want” to hear. Then, when you ask for advice, be prepared to accept it or let the advisor know why you are not following the advice. Always remember that advisor/advisee is a privileged relationship. It is a two-way process—the advisors are saying yes to being available, answering your questions, taking your calls and giving you access to their networks. You must be willing to do the same for them.

Here are some key points to keep in mind when approaching your advisors:

• If you already know the answer, don’t ask the question. Above all, don’t fish for the advice you want to hear.
• Don’t ask for advice unless you are prepared to accept it.

I learned this lesson the hard way. When I was considering applying for an important city position, the first advisor I asked said “no.” Unhappy with that answer, I then asked another person and she said “yes.” I followed her advice. In hindsight, the first advice was correct, but I didn’t listen. I learned the hard way not to go “fishing” for the advice that tells you what you already know or want to hear.

Don’t annoy your advisors by asking them to take the time to listen to your issue and offer sincere suggestions, only to see their advice disregarded. And above all don’t let them find out through the grapevine that you chose another path. Don’t jeopardize these important relationships. Most of the time you will find that the advice has a profound impact on how you view the situation, the way you approach the decision or the expanded perspective you now have thanks to your conversation with your advisor.

Are you asking for advice or are you on a fishing expedition?

I had no idea that he was so much more than my music teacher and choral director at Bedford High School.  In that role, Keith Phinney was a maestro:  he commanded the attention of even the “townies” who tried to goof off by standing in the back row.  He was amazing—he would conduct and reprimand all with the same hand, and we excelled as a Glee Club.

I loved to sing and Mr. Phinney cast me in the role of Peep-Bo, one of the three little maidens in Gilbert and Sullivan’s Mikado.  This was an extraordinary achievement and in retrospect I can see how courageous—maybe unconventional—Mr. Phinney was.  He choose me, a black girl, to play a key role, while outside the music room my color kept me from being a cheerleader and my gender prevented me from running track.

I must admit that as a teenager I viewed teachers as teachers—not as individuals with rich sets of experiences that shape their teaching styles.  At the time, our knowledge was limited to married vs. not married, lives in Bedford vs. some other place.   We knew that Mr. Phinney was married and had children but what I didn’t know until I attended his memorial service on April 17 is that that I—we—were the beneficiaries of his exemplary service as a B-17 bomber pilot in the United States Army Air Corps during WWII.  I learned from his son Keith’s eulogy that Mr. Phinney completed over 25 sorties during the war.  That takes courage, discipline and focus.  Now I understand how he was able to command our attention and keep us in order.

His memorial mervice at the Congregational Church in Chelmsford included beautiful music, of course, and the gathering of his close-knit family.  Oh the stories his son shared!   And it ended with a formal presentation of the American flag on behalf of the President of the United States to his wife Elizabeth for his service to our country.  As the sound of “Taps” filled the air, I had a richer appreciation of Keith Phinney the man, and I am so thankful for the opportunity that he gave me:  to sing my song. I am not alone in my sentiment

Melinda Lopez, BHS ’82, is an award-winning playwright whose work was cited by President Obama in a recent speech. “Mr. Phinney  — he was never, ever Keith — was a remarkable man. A superstar, European in his manners, and precise in his teaching, he was all glamour. His posture, his attitude, his speech– he was like a character out of a 1930s Hollywood movie, and I adored him,” she recalled. “He was a great teacher, and inspired me to believe that a career making music, theatre and beauty in the world was possible.”

Melinda continued. “He didn’t stand for fooling around when it came to making beautiful music. He demanded respect for the art form, and he taught us to do the same.”

As Stephen Lord, another of Mr. Phinney’s students and now one of four conductors in the Opera News “25 Most Powerful” pantheon, shared, “He made a difference.”

From Chapter 8:  Are You Getting the Maximum Benefit Out of Your Situation?

Congratulations on your new role. You are probably enthusiastic about your newfound opportunity and ready to prove yourself in the new position. This may be the first time you are the final decision maker or in a position with line responsibility. You may be accountable for a new product introduction, or your financial portfolio may include emerging markets. Whatever your new role, you are eager to get to work, produce results, meet deliverables and in the process show your manager that you are up for the task. Not so fast!

Now is not the time to get down into the weeds. Now’s the time to look up, across, and out and ask, “How can I maximize and leverage this opportunity to move up, or move on?”

Tangible and intangible perquisites—perks—come with every new role as you advance in an organization. When you are just starting out, the perks of a promotion might include a more generous travel allowance or something as simple as a quiet cubicle. Have you identified the tangible and intangible perks that come with your new role? If you can’t name them, this is your wake up call—it is time to look beyond the money and that long-awaited office with a window. It is time to leverage your situation for success.

Don’t overlook the most important non-monetary perquisites that accompany your new role: access and influence. Whatever your level, a promotion always widens your circle of access and influence. That includes access to resources—people, time, and information—as well as the increased weight or influence that your words and ideas can convey.

Do you remember the “Six Degrees of Separation” parlor game? Well, you’ve just moved one degree closer to resources you can marshal for success.  Are you using your perks or letting the accruements of your new position slip away?

Question:   I am a finalist for a job that I don’t want.  I interviewed with six people, and the more I learn about the job, the more certain I am that it’s not for me.  How do I get out of this process?

Answer:  It sounds like you have discovered the “real” job behind the advertised job description.   Good for you!  You must have asked good questions during the interview process and you are now at a critical decision point.  Before you exit from the process, you need to be absolutely clear on your answer to the following question:

• If offered the job, will you say “no”?

If so, be guided by addressing the following questions:

• Are you able to clearly communicate why you allowed the interview process to continue to the finalist stage?
• Why didn’t you pull out of the process earlier?
• Did you feel “pressure” to apply for this position?  If yes, from whom?  Why?
• What specifically makes you conclude that this is not the job for you?
• Will the group/department/hiring managers be surprised that you don’t want the job? Or have you shared your concerns throughout the interview process?

Some people apply for opportunities so that they can increase their visibility with senior management.  Interviewing for a position that you don’t want or staying in the race until offered and then declining can be dicey way to advance your career. That makes these last questions very important:

• Have you shared your concerns/questions about the suitability of the job during the interview process?
• Does the hiring manager know that you don’t want the job? Have you been clear/transparent?
• Have you created “good will” with each of the people who interviewed you?  Do they like you?

Now is the time to reach out to your mentor or senior sponsor and seek their guidance—and air cover—so that you navigate the corporate culture adeptly.  Your goal is to leverage the good will, visibility and insights you gained through the interview process so that you move your career forward.

From Chapter 1 How will you share your value?

Being successful is one thing; being recognized for the value that you bring is another. The extent to which you are known determines your value. Value and visibility go together. Besides understanding what you bring to the party, you must know who in the organization values your contribution and why. Then you must communicate your “value-add” in order to get the outcome you desire.

Think again about the sound byte you developed earlier. Take some time to refine it, so that you are comfortable using it when you are introducing yourself. For example, “I’m Arthur Blank. My team developed the Statler solution last quarter.” “I’m Stella Michaels from Legal. I’m just coming off the Widget patent case, which I’m happy to say was resolved in our favor.” Many people are uncomfortable with self-promotion. They don’t want be seen as a person who brags or who takes credit for the accomplishments of others.

Remember: There is a big difference between “selling” and “telling.” If you perform real work of genuine value, you aren’t boasting when you mention your success. If you are one of those quiet types who are waiting to be noticed, you may end waiting forever.

My question to you is, if you don’t talk about who you are and what you have accomplished, who will?

You have a choice:   Its up to you.

Q:  My colleagues tell me to stay home, but I am back at work 10 days after my husband’s death. He had been ill for over a year; I need to work.  Am I wrong?

A:  Please know that you have my heartfelt sympathy and that your colleagues may not know what to say or how to comprehend your loss.   So, you are not wrong to work. Each person has a unique process of grieving. I noticed your exact words: “I need to work.” Working is filling a gap for you.  As you go through this process, consider the following:

• Are you just soldiering on—afraid to feel anything right now?
• How are you managing the conversation about your husband’s death?  Are you talking when you want to talk?  Are you revealing what you want to share?  Note: Be mindful and take care of yourself (don’t worry about comforting others).

Now, here are the tough questions:

• Are you 90-100% present at work?  Are your colleagues urging you to take time off because you “really aren’t there”?  Do you work in a “no mistakes” or highly regulated area? 

And finally,

• Do you have time reserved away from work to renew and create the next chapter of your life?

Here is an old Irish blessing that my mother often offered, which I now pass to you:

May the road rise to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back,

The sun shine warm upon your face.

The rain fall soft upon your fields,

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

From Chapter 5

How do you respond to change? Do you avoid it, or do you say “Bring it on!” Do you see change as a continual flow or as episodic and event-driven? When you face change that originates outside your control, are you worried? afraid? excited?

What do you need to know before you can embrace a change? The answers to these questions depend largely on whether you perceive the change as an opportunity or a threat, because your brain reacts differently to each. If your brain sees the change as positive it releases dopamine, causing a feeling of pleasure. But the neural reaction to “danger” triggers  panic. You actually think less. Everyone’s threshold and definition of “dangerous” change is different—some people love roller coasters, some hate them. What kinds of change signal “danger” to you?

When you know how you typically relate to change, you can anticipate our reaction and prepare yourself to move forward. Some people respond to change with analysis. They want to understand the details, the rationale, the possible outcomes good and bad; once they get their answers, they can move forward. Others respond more emotionally; new situations temporarily lower their confidence and belief in their abilities, so they need to remind themselves of past successes and consider how they will handle the challenge.

How do you repond?