Q: My colleagues tell me to stay home, but I am back at work 10 days after my husband’s 
death. He had been ill for over a year; I need to work. Am I wrong?
A: Please know that you have my heartfelt sympathy and that your colleagues may not know what to say or how to comprehend your loss. So, you are not wrong to work. Each person has a unique process of grieving. I noticed your exact words: “I need to work.” Working is filling a gap for you. As you go through this process, consider the following:
- Are you just soldiering on—afraid to feel anything right now?
- How are you managing the conversation about your husband’s death? Are you talking when you want to talk? Are you revealing what you want to share? Note: Be mindful and take care of yourself (don’t worry about comforting others).
Now, here are the tough questions:
- Are you 90-100% present at work? Are your colleagues urging you to take time off because you “really aren’t there”? Do you work in a “no mistakes” or highly regulated area?
And finally,
- Do you have time reserved away from work to renew and create the next chapter of your life?
Here is an old Irish blessing that my mother often offered, which I now pass to you:
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back,
The sun shine warm upon your face.
The rain fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.