Q: I am so embarrassed. A colleague mentioned double-checking my work and I “went off” on him. I completely over-reacted. What do I do now?
A: I feel your pain. You may not remember this old chestnut by the Three Stooges—each time Curley mentioned Niagara Falls, Moe was “triggered” into a slapstick routine. Well, this is a long way of saying that “double check your work” could be a phrase that “triggers” an automatic emotional response from you. For example, you may have reported to a micromanager with a penchant for creating “fire drills” that began with “let me double check this document.” You may have been in a stressful or unfulfilling work situation, unable to push back while your negative emotions continued to build and now when you hear “double check” you unleash the stored hurt feelings.
Here are a few questions to ask to determine if you are being triggered:
- Is your response to the person asking the question appropriate?
- Have you received feedback from friends, family or colleagues that you “go off” when they say or do certain things? If yes, thank them for their feedback and be alert to the “trigger” points.
- Do you feel that your emotions are running the show? If yes, I recommend that you get a coach.
- How well do you know yourself? Are there certain people, comments, or situations that cause you to react without thinking?
Everyone has a “Niagara Falls,” and when you are tired and your emotions are frayed you 
are more likely to react in a predicable and uncensored manner. Here is a tip: Be emotionally intelligent and recognize your triggers. Second, don’t be embarrassed – apologize and let the person know that you were not reacting to them. After all, everyone goes off every now and then: We are not perfect; we are works in progress.
Remember to be kind to yourself.