Q. This is the first holiday season without my mom; now both my parents are gone. She died in February and my father passed three years ago. At work, I pretend I have the holiday spirit but inside I feel alone and adrift. What can I do?
A. Remember that a parent’s love lasts forever. I hope you took time off to grieve in February but, if you are like most working people, you pushed the feelings down and soldiered on. I rarely recommend taking time off, but in this case please plan to take personal time to heal at home, a spa or a favorite place that you shared with your mom (and dad) before February 2015. And it’s almost always a positive step to write a letter to your mom now to express what’s in your heart.
Regarding work, consider the following questions:
- Are your colleagues aware of the depth of your loss or did you keep it secret?
- What is your personal plan to enjoy the holidays versus suffering through them? What would your mom or dad advise you to do?
- Have you “pulled back” or out of activities at work? With your spouse/significant other? Or with your friends? If yes, reconnect and stay connected.
- Are you less productive at work, no longer interested in your work, or easily distracted? If yes, approach your work in bite-sized pieces and be kind to yourself.
Holidays can be lonely, especially when your parents were the glue for gatherings and the family home was the place to be. When my parents were admitted to a nursing home I no longer had a place to go; when they passed away I felt like an orphan the first year. 
However, I discovered that being alone—orphaned—is a choice that adult people make. A choice! Give yourself the gift that keeps giving: choose to reconnect with your circle of friends, family members, and colleagues and choose to honor your mother’s love by being happy.