The lies are flying

Fundraising failureQ: She went to HR and said that I yelled a lot and pushed too hard. Why didn’t she come to me?  I don’t yell.

A:  Oh, where to begin. There is a lot packed into your question and without understanding the full context, here are my immediate questions for you to consider:

  • On a scale of one to five (one is low and five is high), how would you honestly rate the ease/flow of your communications? If the answer is 1 or 2, it’s likely that she felt it was easier to go to HR than talk to you.  If your answer is 4 or 5— her action suggests that you have a gap in your communications.
  • Is the woman a colleague or are you her manager?  If a colleague, have you had previous encounters?  If you are her manager, is she a new employee? Is there a difference in age, style, culture, etc.?
  • What can you do to get communications back on track?

Now, take a close look:

  • What is your definition of yelling?  What is her definition of yelling?  Note: When Look closerpeople argue we often label their action as yelling even if voices are not raised.  What can you do to get on the same page?
  • Do you know who to push and how much?  When pushing doesn’t work what are your other techniques?
  • Do you adjust your approach to align with the different people you encounter?  Does it work?  Have you asked for feedback?

Now that HR is involved, you can benefit from this contretemps. HR can act as an honest broker and help you close gaps in your communications style and approach to work.  Remember to ask for specific examples, preferably observable behaviors.  OK?  And, remember to lighten up– see below:

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