Q: It just slipped out. I am mortified. Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut?
A: You are asking an important question and I am going to present two different viewpoints based on whether you were reprimanded because of what and how you said it or you simply feel bad about your behavior. There is a big difference.
If your manager views you negatively—as someone who won’t shut up—consider the following questions:
- Are you speaking because you are right? Why do you have to be “right” every time?
- Why is your reaction to John/Jill so predicable?
- Are you the only one with the answer?
- Or, are you breaking a consensus or decision reached by speaking out/up after your colleagues and manager have agreed?
- Are you the squeaky wheel or “jerk” in the group?
- Are you a drag on the group’s morale?
- Are you ready to “shut up”?
The other important perspective to consider is you. If you are mortified by the response you received and in hindsight you could see yourself going down toward a predicable outcome, now is a good time to re re-read the “Why Am I In the Mess Again?” chapter in my book, Getting There and Staying There. Begin by asking:
- Why do I have to be “right” every time?
- Why is my reaction to John/Jill so predicable?
Finally, you may be compelled to speak because you work in regulatory control or another area where it is your job to speak up when risks come to light. Or, in your sales role you may need to speak up because your integrity or values are on the line. Do you have to stop production to avoid a health or safety is threat? In these situations, your colleagues may even expect you to speak up—for them. Still, I wonder: Do they describe you as brusque, direct and “honest”? Here it is a case of retaining the message but working on the delivery.
Being mortified or embarrassed can be a launch pad for change. Are you ready?