Q. In May I lost my temper and my boss keeps bringing up the incident. I have kept my emotions in check ever since but my boss won’t move on. What can I do?
A. Congratulations keeping your emotions in check. It seems that unexpected emotional outbursts get everyone out of sorts, while the person who yells and screams on a regular basis gets off the hook. People say, “That’s just his personality,” ignoring the disruptive effect that the behavior has not only on the group but also on the person on the receiving end of the rants/raves.
It can seem unfair that some folks get away with it while your one incident seems unshakeable. Managing your personal brand is important here:
- What are you saying about the event? To whom?
- How are you behaving that provides an opportunity for your boss to keep the
conversation going? - What specific observable examples prove that you are emotionally intelligent, not emotionally volatile? Give examples related to client engagements, work with colleagues and with your manager.
Here are a few tough questions to consider in determining if you are really managing your emotions:
- Are your emotions under your control? Are they seething below the surface? Or are you on a hair trigger, always ready to erupt?
- How much time do you spend managing your emotions? Do you meditate, take walks, or have “cool-down” strategies?
- Do you like/respect your boss?
- Are there certain people (or situations) that tick you off?
The good news is that if you address the tough questions above you can anticipate that emotions are building—visualize a thermostat reaching 90 degrees—and take actions to see the mercury sink.
Note: How you respond is always your choice.