Listen and Learn

Not listening Q:   Over the last year I thought I was having open and direct conversations with my colleague, but now I find that we are on opposite sides. I am shocked! How can I ever trust this person?

A: Now is the perfect time to examine how open and direct your communication style really is. You might ask:

  • How much time am I talking?
  • How much time do I listen?
  • Am I listening to confirm what I already know or am I listening to learn something new?
  • Do I catch myself waiting for my turn to talk? Note: If you are waiting for your turn to talk, it is like a double fault in tennis: (1) you are not open and (2) you are probably not listening.

Continuing the tennis metaphor, it’s helpful to view conversations as a tennis match: Hit the ball over the net and wait for the ball to return. Conversations should be a well-timed give and take, back and forth. And with that framework in mind, consider your conversations with your colleague: You hit the ball over the net by expressing your support for Hillary Clinton for president, correct? And it seems that you didn’t wait for your colleague to return the ball. Imagine that you kept throwing your own ball up into the air and hitting it across the net — crazy, huh?

Well, it appears that, with regard to the 2016 election, you were not alone. Indeed the world now recognizes that they, too, missed seeing and hearing an important cultural wave and conversation. How did this happen? Two answers:

  1. Most people simply don’t listen, and
  2. We don’t allow people who have different views a “safe space” to air them.I am not listening

This summer I started telling my friends that Donald Trump would be the likely winner of the election. I wasn’t advocating a position; I was sharing my observation [Note that I voted for HRC]. And, their response was “No, no, no, that is not possible,” vs. “Why, what makes you say that?”   If you are wondering how I knew, the answer is that I listened to what friends, colleagues and passersby were saying and by listening I created a space for people with various points of views to express them.

Remember: The quickest way to build trust is to listen.Stop talking

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *